*viewers discretion advised; graphic content below*
There’s absolutely nothing that can prepare you for facing cancer. I would usually take each day as it comes. I held on to my God so strongly and always believed, never wavering that I was not going to die. I tried to talk to a relative and she immediately started crying uncontrollably. I felt her pain but I really didn’t need a pity party, there was a battle to be fought and I wanted to fight it dried eyed.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t always strong, I would break down and cry. I loved crying in the shower it was invigorating, with water hitting the bald and getting all mixed up with tears… IT IS VERY OK TO CRY. I absolutely never cried and asked why me because if not me, it could be someone else and NOBODY should ever go through cancer. I cried because I had so many plans, I thought my life was at a standstill, not finished.
I had chemotherapy extensively before I was scheduled for a mastectomy. the goal was to shrink the tumor as much as possible as my care plan was to be minimally invasive as possible.
I could hardly sleep, I was up at 3 am. I had to be in the hospital at 6 am for my mastectomy surgery. I had been informed on the procedure and given a presurgery guide. I got ready and was praying and waiting for time to leave. At this point, the tension at home was so thick you could cut it with a knife. My ex outrightly said he couldn’t make it to the hospital with me, so I gathered my stuff and left with an uber. I was checked in at the hospital, signed my informed consent and just kept praying.
It was an extensive surgery and I woke up at about 5 pm. My entire breast tissue was removed and I had immediate reconstruction with implants. 12 lymph nodes were removed from my left arm and that started my journey with lymphodema (a story for another day). I was told it was successful but I felt like I fell off a tree and hit every single branch on my way down. My only visitor was my social worker. I spent two days in the hospital for observation before I was discharged. I had four drains hanging from my body, I had to struggle with pains and draining them. I had hardcore narcotics but it just wasn’t cutting it. ‘YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY OPTION YOU GOT’.
I was battling with healing and the unease that existed around me. I really don’t feel entitled to anybody’s help but common! Would you help a stranger on the streets if the person was obviously struggling to reach for something and you know they are sick? I would say yes I can help a stranger so how much more someone under the same roof as me? I can only speak for myself though and today I can authoritatively say that one of the many lessons I got from cancer, is knowing people who truly care about me.