Love and marriage is an awesome experience, only when you are in love and married for the right reasons and to the right person. A bad marriage is worse than being single. I have watched with concern, the heightened effects of societal pressure on women and marriage in Nigeria.
I recently noticed with fascination that my social media feed was flooded with prayer requests for marriage( which is an awesome thing, don’t get me wrong…) But interestingly, 95% of people praying and wanting to get married are women. My question is “WHY DO WOMEN WANT TO GET MARRIED SO DESPERATELY, MORE THAN THE MEN DO?
- Why isn’t it a priority for men to pray and fast about getting married?
- Why is it not the men posting long epistles about marriage?
- What could be the reason for this lopsided quest to get married?
- Why are men not under pressure to get married?
If you got the answers, kindly share with me, because I am certain that desperation puts you at a disadvantage from the get-go.
I love to be in love. I can’t even say it enough! I have been badly bruised but I am getting married again for sure… soon😉 I want people to learn from my experience, to avert making the wrong choices.
My reason for highlighting these is because I want to encourage someone to break out of this archaic mentality.
In Nigeria where I am originally from, it is believed that you must get married at a certain age. If you don’t, you will constantly be badgered into getting married. It totally seems that the only reason for marriage is age-related.
Do you think the opinions, beliefs, and desires of other people are better than your own judgment?
Do not cave into marriage simply because you are under pressure from parents, relatives or friends. Remember you are responsible for your choices devoid of who advised you in making them.
Succumbing to societal pressure to get married will lead to one of two things. You will either become a divorcee or live an unhappy life for the rest of your life.
The onus to say NO to societal pressure lies on us as individuals. We could choose to do what is best at the appropriate time. Pressure can only exist, only when you feel it.
I fell prey to societal pressures but I also take responsibility for making the decision to get involved in an inexcusable marriage.
By the time I was thirty years old, I had heard one too many times how my biological clock is ticking fast. I was told that beauty fades, so the sooner I get a man the better. Someone even had the nerve to say my job and lifestyle was the reason for not hitching a husband. That a man would not want a woman who was financially comfortable (huh?)
They were various reasons why I wasn’t in a relationship at the time. I didn’t connect to any one of my supposed suitors. We didn’t share the same goals amongst other things. Despite my clarity of impending doom, I found myself looking for the lesser evil. I kept going back to the drawing board to check off what was more tolerable.
Anyways, I eventually settled for the lesser of two evils to satisfy everyone who wanted me married and my quest to satisfy societal norm.
I eventually got married and then the focus shifted from being married to having children( guess the badgering never ends). Well, that didn’t happen THANKFULLY, and that marriage is over.
When To Get Married
Getting married is not limited to the highlighted points but always keep in mind the following:
- Get married when you find love( remember to do your background check well)
- Get married when you and your future partner completely understands the responsibilities in marriage, and are ready to take it up.
- Get married when your goals and core values are aligned to those of your partner.
- Get married when you know your strengths and weaknesses and that of your future partner. get married when your strength can make up for your partner’s weakness and likewise your partner.
- Marriage, like a lot of other things in life, could be challenging sometimes. Get married when you know you can support your partner through difficult times and you are sure that same will be done for you.
- Get married when you are confident that you will be each other’s support system.
- Get married when you are both willing to give your all to your marriage.
My point in all this is that we let ourselves fall victims of societal pressure. There is no room for anyone to tell me how to live my life right now. My life, my decisions, my choices, my mistakes are all MINE!
Never let the loud external voices consume you, rather listen to your inner guidance. Learning to do that, is way more important to buckling under pressure.